OOooooh its very exciting! Only a couple of days till the Beth Ditto collection is launched and I am thrilled that my local evans will be one of the stores with the collection. According to info on the web the collection will feature 22 pieces, a good number of which you can see here... I am loving the stained glass dress and the belt around it, there are a couple of other bits that I like but some pieces I really don't like... However that said I am very much hoping that Beth's range may shake up the plus size clothing industry and gives it the kick up the arse it seriously needs.
Whilst I've been slacking off, there have been a few small developments in the world of plus size fashion...
Yesterday evening I spent a bit of time going through all of my links. I deleted a fair amount of dud links and had a bit of a general tidy up. I also changed the back ground colours and pictures. I opted for the cute chickies because I think this a better reflection of me. Yes I LOVE cute things. I also updated the list of blogs that I read to include a couple of friends blogs that I read and various other bits and bobs that I like.
I don’t know if its spring or years of working in administration, but I am at the moment conducting a life clearout. Yes I’m merging blog ideas, binning old ones and at home I am being ruthless with material objects. And more scarily I want my stuff to be organised so I know where to look for bank statements, etc...
It all started a few years ago... As I have mentioned here many times, my parents live in Malta, however they did for a long time live in a nice terraced house in Hampshire, complete with loft and bedrooms for us all to store hoards of crap that my brothers and myself didn’t really want to take with us to our new grown up abodes.
As a result I spent my 26th Birthday in my parents loft sorting through all of my childhood crap, most went in the bin, a lot went to charity shops and a very small amount I wanted to keep.
Over the years I have moved from house to house, each time losing a little more of my stuff. Some things however have always been quite safe from my urge to purge, mainly books and CDs. Just before Christmas whilst cleaning and clearing up my desk, I suddenly felt quite cluttered by all of my CDs which are stacked on rack around my desk. And some of these CDs I hadn’t listened to in years. Besides I never actually listened to CDs anymore, I just listened to the ripped files through my computer. So off they went on to eBay, I made about £60 and that certainly helped the end of January slip by more comfortably.
Even more precious to me than CDs was my books... But a couple of weeks ago it dawned on me. Although I had completed my dissertation on Hanif Kureishi in April/May 2001, I had not since then read any of his books I had used in my dissertation. So for 8 years a whole section of precious shelf space had been dedicated to an author whose books I was no longer reading. So I checked trusty eBay and amazon and discovered I had no chance of selling his books second-hand. For a moment I thought ‘oh well I’ll just keep them’. But why? I’m not reading them... So I looked through all of the titles. Three I really enjoyed and would like to read again, but the rest? They were in the Oxfam bookshop shortly after. Once I got started on Kureishi it was easy for me to weed out the books I was keeping for sentimental value.
So now I have well over half a bookshelf of space – I can’t wait to fill it with some new books!
Then I came back to my CDs, yes I had gotten rid of all those CDs I wasn’t bothered about keeping, but had retained, my favourites, some of which were over ten years old... And I came back to the realisation that I didn’t need them, the only thing holding me back was the fear of losing the files. So at the moment a large chunk of my CDs are on sale on eBay, the money from which I fully intend to buy me a sleek & small external hard drive to keep it all safe.
I really can’t wait for it all to go! Whatever doesn’t sell on eBay will go to charity and then I will have space! Most exciting of all though has been the realisation that by getting rid of my CDs, I can remove the CD rack on my desk and with all the extra space I’ll be gaining, I will have a space to do some pattern cutting and room for my sewing machine to be permanently out and accessible!
So goodbye old CDs and books and hello new hobby and books!
I needed a break from here.
I needed to be away from this part of me.
I had become so obsessed with my weight, that I was no longer losing pounds, but parts of myself.
The nice thing about it though was that it happened gradually. Slowly I realised that being solely obsessed with losing weight was not healthy and it was f**king boring! I just stopped coming here and spent more time in the 'real' world... No drama, no tears, just the realisation that I need more in my life than a quest to be slim. I know there have been a few anti-diet bloggers (there is a term for that but I've been away from this blogsphere so long I've forgotten!) who have tried to tell me that, but I'm stubborn, I do my best to ignore other people who tell me what to do.
Anyway so whilst I have been away from here I have been lazing around, chilling with my lovely boyfriend, hanging out with friends, been to Malta to see my family a couple of times and just generally enjoying my life.
I've also been developing an interest in sewing, it is a real shame I didn't do it sooner, because my mum was a seamstress and she could have taught me loads, but of course I waited till she moved to Malta before it dawned on me just how cool it would be to make clothes. That said on my last visit to Malta my mum showed me (again!) how to shorten trousers and it was really great that we worked on that together :) And!! I'm about to start a sewing course in which I will learn about using sewing machines and will make a bag, I'm really looking forward to it mainly because I'm scared of my sewing machine, so anything that will fill me with technical confidence is a plus! I've got a couple of patterns on my desk and I can't wait to start work on them. I got loads of books on sewing for Christmas so I have loads of ideas.
In terms of other hobbies, I joined an on-line reading group which has renewed my love of reading even though the first book we read was shockingly bad! I'd love to do more writing, but am thinking just reading regularly again would be a positive start.
Anyway I'll stop rambling and get back to why this blog his here still. My weight...
Unfortunately I have put some weight back on and physically it doesn't feel good. My knees ache occasionally and I feel slower. I'm still going the gym and walking as much as I can but I probably need to do more... And as much as I hate to admit, I want to lose weight and continue towards my goal of 9 stone. However under no circumstances can I allow it to take over my life again and as a result I don't actually have a plan about how I'm going to do it.
So I'm back.
...
A friend of mine a long time suggested that I should keep one blog about all aspects of my life rather than having separate ones. At the time he suggested this I was dead set on compartmentalising my life and keeping dieting separate from everything else (plus stubborn as mentioned above!). All that happened was I prioritised weight over everything else and I've hardly written a sausage in my other blogs. Anyway in an attempt to maintain balance and not obsess I shall now write here about all of my other interests and life. So James thanks for the advice on blog-writing, its only taken me 2-3 years to understand it :)
Just a quick post to say a couple of things.
Firstly I'm still unsure of what path to go forward with so right now I'm just making sure I exercise and eat healthily. I need more time to think things through clearly and there are other issues that I haven't written about which affect my decision which I will write here some time soon.
Secondly, please do read Kira Cochrane's latest piece in the reluctant dieter series, it is very funny.
And finally I would just like to say that Newlook lies. A couple of weeks ago I was seeking a dress to wear to my friend's wedding, I picked up two dresses to try on. As a size 16-18 I picked up one size 18 dress from their main range and another from their plus size inspire range, also size 18. The Inspire dress I tried on first. After fully zipping it up at the back, it fell off me. I checked all of the labels and it definitely was a size 18. So like I said Newlook lies!!! Despite the lies, I bought the other dress which fitted me perfectly.
Its now over two years since I started changing my diet and exercise habits to lose weight. Although I had much initial success, losing well over 10% of my starting weight, I have been stalled for the last year and a half. I f**ked it all up for a while by being an abstainer/binger of chocolate and cakes. But its now four months since I had hypnotherapy to rid me of my cravings and it has worked far better than I could have ever imagined. I feel happy and at ease with my diet, I eat healthily but have occasional treats (in the savoury form) and the most surprising of all changes is that I now feel comfortable and able to exercise alone. The odd thing is that I feel relatively happy with myself, I am comfortable with my diet and I feel masses healthier than I did at my heaviest. Although my lumps and bumps still occasionally make me feel uncomfortable, most of the time I am now happier with my appearance. Whilst I would love to lose more weight, part of me also now feels, why bother? The truth is that to lose weight I would have invest masses of energy into meal planning and a dedicated exercise programme. Really what I want right now is my life back. I have spent a large amount of time and energy into changing myself, making me healthy and now I want some time back to work on other parts of me. I do realise that in order to maintain my weight I will have to do some work, but I have weighed the pretty much the same weight for the last year - surely this proof that I can continue to do this, especially now I exercise much more. I think what I am trying to say is that I am at the crossroads. What should I do? Do I carry on trying to lose weight or accept that I am healthy as I can be and just get on with my life? Your thoughts would be appreciated :)
...Evans has a sexy dress.
I am in shock.
Check out all of Evans dresses. There is actually a small collection of cute and flattering dresses! Is Evans taking tips from *Igigi? Or has Trinny and Susannah's undress the nation programme shown them that they need to be better?
I can't get over that Rose Print Dress! Next month one of my bestest friends in the whole world is getting married, so I may go to Evans for a dress! As much as I love the Rose Print Dress, I am not sure it will suit me, but I shall certainly try it on to see!
*Speaking of Igigi, check out their new range of work wear. I'm loving Jackie Dress and the Jumper Dress they are so cool!