The Curvy Goddess

Two Stone Gone

January was a crap month diet-wise.  Three pounds was all I managed to lose, however this week I tried something different.

I have been following the principles of the GI diet and calorie counting.  I felt that in terms of calorie counting that 1500 calories a day was a good amount to aim for and also realistic.  I joined up with Weight Loss Resources for their free three day trial and they confirmed that approx 1500 is good amount of calories to aim for each day if you would like to lose 2 pounds a week.

And ta da!  One week of following this plan I have lost two pounds and more importantly I now weigh 12.5 - which means I have lost two stone!  I feels like it has taken ages to shift this last stone, but I think I  now have a better method of dieting and I know that I really need to do more exercise than just walking everywhere...

Glad that first two stone are out of the way, from here onwards this is new territory - in my adult life the lightest I have ever known myself to be is 12.7.  I wonder what the 11's feel like? :-)

Relived

Today I went back to see my doctor, who had been very unhelpful and had upset me six months back. 

Whilst I was waiting to see him, my heart was pounding and I was really scared.

Fortunately though as doctor he did give me the chance to say what I needed and what I had done since my last visit. 

Upon my saying that I had lost two stone, I was told 'well done' several times and I was given a new prescription for the pill, no problem.  He must be a very pessimistic chap, as he proceeded to warn me that upon reaching a healthy weight, I would have difficultly maintaining my weight and that I would always need to be careful.

Well at least this visit was much more pleasant than the last one.  And who knows maybe next time I visit, I might even be at a 'healthy weight'...

Reflections on 2006 and Beyond...

On new years eve I met up with a friend and we got talking about this blog, obesity and minimins over our yummy curry dinner...  One of the things my friend asked me about was why people allowed themselves to become overweight/obese.  On minimins there are many members who know exactly why and the circumstances/reasons that lead to their weight gain.

This discussion with my friend got me wondering - how did I get like this?  How does one end up five stone, five pounds overweight?  For me there are two reasons.

Inactivity.

Depression.

Being a very inactive teenager and then student has allowed my weight to slowly creep up over the years.  I absolutely hated secondary school - was utterly miserable there and I often remember comfort eating.  I can't say if my misery then was teenage angst or depression - but I know that sweet things eased the blues.  Once I left school I stopped eating in this way.

In my second and final years at university, depression snuck up on me.  I am an expert at avoidance - especially of my own feelings, however you can only hide from such things for so long.  One of the strangest things I discovered about depression was that I felt nothing.  Feeling nothing allows you to do terrible things to yourself, such as over-eating and getting involved with people that are clearly no good for you.  When I finally realised what I was doing to myself, I was terrified and angry.  Thankfully the person who I was involved was a natural arsehole, (I often called him a c**t - I am sure that those of you who know me, could never imagine me using such language!) so that leaving him was incredibly easy and liberating.  And once again I grasped control of my eating habits.

However I did realise that I had gained a lot of weight - I felt bad so treated myself to lots of new clothes to compensate.  Occasionally I would brave the scales and see that I weighed around fourteen stone.

Things stayed that way for a long time.

I moved to Brighton in 2003 and I was still nursing my feelings of low self esteem with new clothes, I wanted to lose weight but I didn't know how to and I certainly didn't have the strength.  It was only in 2004 that I realised that I really needed to and wanted to lose weight.  I talked to my lovely boyfriend about it, he reassured me that I could do it if I wanted to.  It seems insane in retrospect that being a healthy weight was such pipe dream to me then!

So my boyfriend suggested that he would teach me how to play squash and I discovered then, that if I am going to do exercise, it has to be fun.  Since 2005 I have been actively been trying to lose weight, but in the summer of 2006 my lack of success and failed attempts at 'healthy eating' and exercise really got to me.  I was incredibly frustrated that I couldn't do enough exercise and cutting back left me feeling hungry all the time.  I felt really low - just have a look at my posts during July and August.

Then one day whilst randomly searching on the web, I came across the GI Diet.  A diet that stops you feeling hungry and has good results?  Surely such a thing couldn't exist?  And apparently it is easy follow - surely not?

One book and a week later I was four pounds lighter.  I didn't get hungry, I missed sugar, but I got over that.

The first couple of months of following the diet were hard.  Mentally as time has gone on I found things easier.  Time, something which deterred me from dieting sooner, is no longer an issue.  I feel quite okay that I am not going to meet my initial target of being at my goal weigh by May.  I am shrinking and that is all that matters.

So now weighing 12.8.5 and only three and a half pounds away from having lost two stone, I feel wonderful, I really believe and have faith in myself that I can see this to the end.

2006 was wonderful year for me because I found a way of making something that seemed so unattainable real.  There is still a way to go yet but I am certain that 2007 will be even better as I finally edge closer to nine stone.  I can't wait!

Sugar = Bad

One of the things I have ranted and raved about here several times is that sugar has been the single most difficult foodstuff for me to give up. 

I find it incredibly difficult to give it up and it messes with my head loads - I am continuously thinking and dreaming of sweet things.  And the cravings are hell.  My housemate's mother gave him a huge amount of treat size chocolate goodies, which he alone cannot eat - so he has left them in the living room to share with the house. 

I want to eat all of them.  But I can't because in all honesty I'd rather get my target weight sooner.

So yet again I have to endure the evil cold turkey of going without sugar, chanting to myself how I want to be slim, rather than eat chocolate.

My stomach is rumbling, I want chocolate.

ARGH!!!!!

Plus next week or the week after I need to visit my doctor to get another prescription of the pill and I'd love to be as light as possible for that so should I get the same miserable B*****d doctor I saw last time I can tell where to stick his alternative contraception (although I won't, I can fantasise can't I?!!!).

PS. Some reflections on 2006 and my hopes for 2007 will posted soon...

No Holiday Weight Gain - I am a Lucky Woman!

So I went back to Malta, had a fab time brought far too many new clothes from various skinny friendly establishments and I ate things that are not allowed on the GI Diet.  I came back to England and initially the scales suggested that I had gained half a pound, but I wasn't sure because it was the end of Evil TOTM.  A few days later of eating low GI again and I have now reached 12.8.5 - I've actually lost another pound and a half - Woo Hoo!

Thrilled that yet again I didn't gain any weight - gives me great hope that once I actually get to my target, maintaining won't be so tough.

However I am now having to readjust to life without sugar again.  It is not fun - see next post.

Oh the Irony...

I am back in Malta for Christmas.

I have been here since Saturday and I am much more relaxed this time around about eating here and I am not beating myself up about the fact that I can't really follow the GI Diet here (like last time).  However I am being actively careful and conscious about what I do eat and have made the resolve that the only things I definitely won't eat/drink here is sugar, alcohol and fizzy drinks (because sugar is soo addictive and alchohol would be a waste of calories).

Today my Mother and myself went to the cinema in Valletta (capital city) and afterwards had a meal.  I was delighted to find that the restaurant we opted for had an Indian menu along with its regular stuff.  As Asian and Indian food is allowed under the GI diet (provided its not creamy!) so I chose a tomato based curry, some special rice and decided to be a little naughty and have some nan bread too.  Obviously I forgot for a moment whilst choosing my meal that I am in Malta - food is cheap and you get huge portions...

When my meal arrived, there was enough rice and nan bread for two people.  My healthy curry had cream and coconut on the top.

Me thinks I should give up trying and just hope all turns out well, as it did before.

You gotta laugh.

At Last My...

...Boobs are shrinking.

Last weekend a couple of my friends asked me "have your boobs got smaller?".  I told I think no...  After all last time I measured them, they hadn't changed.  When was that though?  I couldn't remeber.

Whilst I measure my waist size often, I neglect measuring my bust and hips, because well their little or no loss is boring.  And it seemed that no loss was ever going to occur at my bust, until now, magically three inches have gone :-)

I haven't really been updating here with my latest weight losses - so here is a quick update:

Starting weight - 14 stone and five pounds

Current weight - 12 stone and ten pounds (I haven't weighed myself officially this week).

My lovely older brother has given me a nice little sum of cash to spend on more new clothes today (Xmas gift), so I can go off to Malta next week looking fab and of course ask my mum to shorten all my new jeans (cheeky I know!).

Letting Go

This week whilst wrestling with the deeper issue of why does the dirty washing washing basket never seem to get empty, I pulled out a favourite pair of jeans, which had obviously been stuffed to the bottom of the basket some time ago.

Jeans for me always seem to wear out in the crotch area - especially if I wear the same pair often.  And this was the case with this particular pair of jeans which I discovered in the depths of my dirty laundry.  But this was no gently wearing away - there was several large, gaping holes - these jeans were quite ready for the bin.  Yet I felt reluctant to throw them in the bin. 

I then went to my wardrobe and searched for my absolute favourite jeans - these jeans were special - they had the perfect amount of flaring to the legs.  But they too had gaping holes from excessive wear.

Both pairs were now far too big, but I felt anxious about throwing them away.

Much of my knowledge here about plus size clothing has been through searching for shops that sell the perfect pair of flared plus size jeans - they are tricky to find.  So to bin these jeans seemed unthinkable after all if I throw them away - when will find another perfect pair?

Flared jeans are easy to come across in smaller clothes sizes, I already own a brand new pair that I really like, in size 18.

I have now put both pairs of jeans in the bin.

No matter what, I am not going to be size 20/22 ever again.  I had to let go of those jeans, no matter how scary it seemed. 

When I get to my target weight I am going to treat myself to all the flared jeans I can buy.

I Am Size 18, At Last!

Well during the last week I have been very good and sticking to the GI Diet and I am feeling much better about the 'time' it might take to get to my target.  The trick is to not cheat yourself and then you won't be pissed of with yourself when the weightloss slows.  Someone I work with also gave me an excellent way to visualise weightloss - packs of butter.  Yep I've lost a load of them!

I had a wonderful afternoon off work last friday.  I went shopping.  Now own four items of size 18 clothes that come from 'normal' clothes shops and they all fit well.  Had a particularly wonderful moment in one shop when I tried on a coat and thought - THIS LOOKS GREAT ON ME!  I wouldn't have thought that before.  Was delighted to discover that the coat was only £12.

Looking forward to my weigh in on saturday.  Whatever the outcome.  :-)

Time

I've been a little frustrated by my one pound losses over the last few weeks.  I am naturally just an impatient person - I want everything now!  And most of all I want to be nine stone now.  Then I can move on to fixing the next problem/issue in my life.

To be honest I don't actually think time is the real issue.  The issue is that over the last four weeks I haven't been giving the diet 100% or playing squash.  So this week I have and giving up sugar again has been tough - but fortunately I now think the worst is over.  And yesterday I had a sneaky mid week weigh in and I was thrilled to see 12.13 on the scales...  At last the 12's are approaching, if get through this next stone - I will be in new terroritory.

Will have to wait until next week though to see if my renewed effort has made any difference as the evil TOTM approaches.