The Curvy Goddess

Apologies

Just wanted to say sorry for the lack of posting latley.

I've had no free weekends, some busy week days and evenings when all I want to do is watch dvds be kept safe in my duvet!

The next couple of weekends are free so hopefully I should have a little more time to commit to blogging and have some time to myself generally...

Anyway on friday I weighed myself and another pound has come off.  Thats 18 pounds now gone, 57 to go.  I am a little disappointed that at the moment it is is only coming off a pound a week, but I haven't been doing exercise and sticking to the diet 100% has been tricky with various social occassions restricting my choices.  So I really ought to be bloody glad that at least a pound has been coming off each week!

I am hoping this week to follow the the diet to a tee and force myself to play squash at least once.

Perspective - How Do You Get Some!!!

Whilst I was on holiday I worried loads about the fact that I was not following my diet.

Not only that whilst I was there I regularly ate 'bad' foods (no bingeing - just regular portions!). I was completely convinced that I would gain loads of weight through this.

Yet I have gained none - I have maintained my weight.

I will be going to Malta for Christmas and I don't want to spend another week fretting just because I don't have complete control of what I eat.

I need to keep my head clear of worry and food in 'moderation'.

I was thinking perhaps to aim to have at least have two meals a day that are in line with my diet and let the other be whatever!

When I was away I didn't have any three course meals - I think that might be good behaviour to adopt again at Xmas...

Concerned that I am becoming a bit obsessed with controlling my diet.  Hope that will stop when I eventually get to my target.

Have asked at Minimins for some advice...

Holidays and Diets Don't Mix

I am currently on holiday in Malta, visiting my family.

Feeling quite frustrated at the moment - I don't feel as though I have much control of my diet unless we eat out.  Meal times feel wrong.  Quite anxious now that I may be undoing some of the weight-loss I have achieved during the last two months.  Trying hard to remind myself that this is only a week and that if I practise a certain amount of damage control hopefully I won't put any if much weight (I could live with a pound gain!). 

I will be coming back in December for Christmas which I am quite worried about now.  Have decided that when I come here I will have a budget of money to go food shopping with and I will ensure that I go shopping on first day for breakfasts and lunches - which are the problem areas at the moment.  I will also have to endure some family buffets - which are mammoth here.  I will try to have a meal before going to any of these and am hoping that I can get my mum to ask my family in advance not to feel offended if I don't eat any of their food (except fruit!).

Although I feel very relaxed and chilled from week here so far, I have also been feeling a bit low because I may have messed up my diet and a horrible shoe shopping experience...

I have never been particularly self conscious about my legs - but now I worry I have super huge calves :-( went shopping with my mum to buy some boots only to find that no zip up boots would zip up - not even half way.  I did eventually get some - but I felt as though I had to make a compromise.  GRRRR hate all shopping now - it feels as though everything out there is designed to make me feel like crap!  Looking forward to one day being and feeling normal.  Now also further committed to finding every shop that caters for those us bigger and recording how crap it feels to be overweight/obese - even having lost some weight.

Quick Update

I have been somewhat slack at posting lately!  Had a manic week last week and I am now on holiday (very much needed).  Anyway just wanted to say that I weighed myself last saturday and having lost another three pounds - I have in total now lost 15 pounds and that means I have shifted my first stone!

Was a great moment and I feel liberated by it!  Only four stone to go now!

However this week's holiday is quite a test I really don't want to put on any weight - maintaining would be ideal...  But it is quite hard as I have little control in what I will be able to eat (visiting family abroad) - that said I am trying to stick to my diet as much as possible.  Fingers crossed.

Nearly Lost a Stone

On tuesday as I switched on the scales I was prepared for the worst.

Last weekend I had been to Oxford to meet up with my university friends.  At dinner I gave in and ate dessert, an apple and pastry thing with some ice cream.  I did feel a bit guilty, but I wanted it as a treat after a manically busy day at work and a 3 hour trek to Oxford...  I further justified eating because I had that day a small lunch and no snacks.  I did promise myself that after that I would have no more 'treats' and not feel bad about the dessert.

Over the weekend I struggled as my friends snacked on chocolate, pringles and cake, whilst I slurped my low fat yoghurt.

So on tuesday I really expected the dessert to have had a massive impact on my weightloss.

I was so wrong.  13.7 - some how I managed to loose 3 pounds in a week, which brings my total loss so far to 12 pounds.

Upon reflection, it seems that my brain chose to obsess about a minature apple dessert, rather than acknowledge that during the past week my appetite has been poor, that I have been so busy and stressed (about work) that I have been missing my snacks and unable to finish most meals.

Really pleased to be 12 pounds lighter, hoping that this week I will have moved closer to losing a stone (not weighing myself this week because of the monthly evil).  It's quite exciting to think that I have lost a fifth of all the weight I want to lose.  A lot of my clothes are now becoming very loose, particularly trousers.  That said when I look in the mirror, I am not always convinvced that I look any different, but I hope that is a reward that will come in the following months.  Fingers crossed.

Changing

During the last week I've been elated, depressed and angry.

Some careless comments reduced me to tears.

I feel better now.

It all started because I was thinking too much!  I started to fear that I would screw the diet up and not exceed my previous dieting record of losing ten pounds.  The realisation that there can be no going back and leaving a comfort zone disturbed me.

I hadn't acknowledged how safe I felt in being overweight.  It's strange to think that you can almost find comfort in the things you long to change in yourself.  I want to be healthy more than anything else right now, but changing is scaring me.  Perhaps I am terrified to have faith in myself because failure now would crush me.

I think thats it.  I am daring myself to believe that I can actually get where I want to be and f**king it up is terrifying.

Adding to my emotional seesaw of a week someone made some blunt comments which brought me down lower than I have felt in ages.  But then as if magically some things happened which redeemed me.  My boss hugged me and with tears in her eyes telling me I done a wonderful job in her absence and that I am ready to move on... And I received a paid creative writing commission.

Feeling tired and 'normal' today which is a relief.  Haven't had the chance to weigh myself, so not sure what (if any) loss I had last week.  Will have to try to do so tomorrow...

Doubts

Well this week I lost another two pounds - thats 9 in total now!  Really pleased with that loss. 

If I can keep with my aim of losing half a stone a month - it could take me about 8 months to get to my target.  As one of those months has now passed I just wish that I could see eight lines somewhere and just cross one out with a big piece of chalk.

Am now a little scared.  Half a stone or ten pounds have been the most I have ever been able to lose before.  Doubts keep creeping into my head as to whether I can manage this another seven months.  I have been overweight my entire life it is hard to believe that I can ever be a healthy weight.  Equally so there is something different this time - the energy around this diet seems more powerful and achievable... 

After seeking advice from the Minimins forum - I have decided that I am thinking to much and that I really should take one day at a time.  Have also set myself a mini goal of ensuring that I lose two and a half stones by January so that I can tell my doctor to stick his 'alternative contraception' up his miserable arse. 

Feel better now, anger and bitterness do help occasionally.

7 Pounds Gone

13 Stones 12 Pounds.  My new weight.  Which means I have now lost 7 pounds in three weeks. 

I am so happy and positive right now.  I really feel that getting to my target is achievable and I am amazed how changing my diet has affected my energy levels and mood - I realise now how bad caffeine, sugar and too much starch were for me.

This week I will also be playing squash again - so I am excited to see how that will support my diet.

YAY!!!!!!!!

Beaten Those Sugar Cravings!

I have made a conscious decision not to weigh myself this week.

Yesterday I started my period (sorry to be so frank) and as normal I started bloating - my stomach feels very uncomfortable and I know that it could affect the results on the scales.  I feel so positive about the GI diet at the moment - I would hate to lose momentum and to feel all the worse because my hormones are fragile.

On Thursday evening as I wondered around Sainsbury's - I discovered something new about myself.  Ever since I started eating healthily and the GI Diet - I have been missing chocolate and sweet things.  But on Thursday I could wonder past chocolate and cakes without even feeling tempted or actually wanting them.  However I could not help myself buying more peppers and mushrooms!!!!  I guess giving up sugar has been tougher than I imagined, although I now feel wonderful for conquering those initial cravings!

My hair is feeling a bit dry at the moment - I am wondering if the diet is affecting it in some way...  Anyway last night I treated myself to an intensive conditioner and heat protection spray to make it better!

Woo HOO!

Yay!  Have lost four pounds!!!!!  The GI Diet is great!